I write because I can. I'd love to be a musician or a painter, but writing is the place where my urge to create and my ability intersect. I think we all have that place. For some, the trick is finding it. For others, it's all about having the courage to live the dream.

I've known I was a writer since I was three. My mother entered me in a contest to name the Fizzies whale, and I won in my age group. It's quite possible that mine was the only entry in my age group, since "Cutie Fizz" was enough to win my family a six-month supply of Fizzies tablets (root beer was the best flavor) and a half dozen turquoise plastic mugs with removable handles.

At six I had my first story on the Little People's Page in the Sunday paper (about Hot Dog, the family dachshund, even though we had a beagle at the time -- the first clue that I'd be a novelist and not a journalist) and at sixteen I had my first front page feature in the local weekly. I majored in film and creative writing in college, and fully expected that the day after graduation, I would go into labor and a brilliant novel would emerge, fully formed, like giving birth.

It didn't happen. I guess I knew how to write, but not what to write. Looking back, I can see that I had to live my life so I'd have something to write about, and if I could give my younger self some good advice, it would be not to beat myself up for the next couple of decades.

But I did. At the same time, I pretended I wasn't feeling terrible about not writing a novel, and did a lot of other creative things. I wrote shoe ads for an in house advertising agency for five weeks, became continuity director of a local radio station for a couple of years, taught aerobics and did some choreography, helped a friend with landscape design, wrote a few freelance magazine pieces, took some more detours. Eventually, I had two children and followed them to school as a teacher, where I taught everything from multicultural games and dance to open ocean rowing to creative writing.

Years later, when I was in my forties and sitting in my minivan outside my daughter's swim practice at 5 AM, it hit me that I might live my whole life without ever once going after my dream of writing a novel. So, for the next six months I wrote a rough draft in the pool parking lot, and it sold to the first publisher who asked to read it.

My first novel was published when I was forty-five. At fifty, I walked the red carpet at the placeHollywood premiere of the movie version of my second novel, Must Love Dogs. I'm just about to finish book tour for my fifth novel, Summer Blowout, and dive into revisions for my six novel, due out in the summer of 2009. I sometimes take a deep breath and remind myself that this is the career I almost didn't have.

The biggest piece of advice I can offer you as you break into the writing world, or follow any other dream for that matter, is to rise above other people's negativity. People told me you can't get published without connections. I didn't know a soul. Lots more people told me the Must Love Dogs movie would never be made. Ha-ha. Long shots happen every day. Believe in them. Believe in yourself.

That being said, I think you have to do it because you love the work, not for fame or fortune, or even a movie. I sometimes hear from aspiring writers who are so focused on seeing their book on the shelves, they're not putting the time in on the important thing -- the writing. It has to be about the writing. You have to love the words, and be willing to dive back in again and again, until your book is as good as it can be. I'm grateful that I don't have to, but I would absolutely sit at the computer all day long and write my next novel for free. Each book teaches me so much, about the characters, about the world they live in, about myself.

In one of the many gifts of midlife, I've also learned that I don't have to write everybody's books, just mine. My gift as a novelist is to make people laugh. And also to recognize themselves and their quirky families and maybe feel a little bit better about them. I play to my strengths. I understand people, so my novels are character driven. I'm a huge eavesdropper, which has taught me to write dialog that rings true. So think about who you are and what unique qualities you have that will help you write the book (or paint the painting or compose the song) that only you can write (paint, sing).

And my final piece of advice: pick one thing and finish it. Creative people are good at lots of things. But if you choose one and focus all your energy and creativity on it, you'll go from good to better. I can't tell you how many times an aspiring writer has told me about her partially completed drafts of two novels and three short stories, not to mention that screenplay, all of which she's abandoned because she just got a great idea for a children's book.

Been there. And still, halfway through every novel, I struggle not to jump to a “better” idea, because the grass is always so much greener in front of the book I'm not really writing. I think some of it is fear. Once you finish something, you have to put it out there and hear what the world has to say about it. That part never gets any easier. But you do it anyway, because that's how you learn and grow, and how you get better at that place where your urge to create and your ability intersect. And even on your worst days, you'll be lucky enough to be living your dream.

Okay, so you've finished your book. You've gone over it a zillion times, and you're afraid you're starting to make it worse instead of better. Stop. Take a deep breath, then make sure it's properly formatted. 12 pt. Times New Roman (or other simple font), double spaced, one side only. Header and Footer with your name, title and page number. Spell check, spell check, spell check.

At this point, you might want to sign up for a work-in-progress class at a nearby university or continuing education program, or even online. Or you might want to get a manuscript analysis at a writers' conference.

You can also pull together your own manuscript critique group. There's nothing like a good reader, and I think it's a skill that can be unrelated to being a good writer. I'm not a great reader. I just want to tell the writer how I'd write her or his book - and that's soooo not the point!

Do you have any friends who read like crazy and are kind and generous and honest, and also really want the best for you? (Boyohboy, do we all need friends like that!) Pull together half a dozen or so and send them each a copy of the manuscript. Tell them to write all over it, marking the parts they like, the places where they got stuck or didn't get something, the parts that didn't work so well. Then ask them to mail it back to you. (Be a class act and include a postage-paid return envelope!)

When you get them all back, listen to the comments that resonate and ignore the rest. (If you hear the same comment from everybody, you should probably make yourself listen to it, whether you want to or not!) Do a final revision, spell check one more time, and then you're ready to start your search for a literary agent.

In the same way that there are husbands and husbands, you don't want just any literary agent. You want the one who is totally in love with your book and will put her heart and soul into selling it and supporting you. I think the best way to find a great agent is to read the acknowledgments in books you love and somehow feel are connected to the one you've written. Authors who love their agents always thank them in the acknowledgments. Then Google the agent to track down his or her contact info (there are no secrets anymore!) and send a well-written, heartfelt query letter seeking representation. Keep it to one page, say who you are, what you've written, how impressed you are with this agent's client list (again, Google is your friend here), and why you think your book would be a good fit. Include your contact information and say that you have a completed, polished book and would be delighted to send a full or partial manuscript. Say thank you for his/her consideration.

A For me, the ideas are the easy part. The world is such a fascinating place, and ideas are everywhere. I get the best ones when I'm on the eliptical machine at the gym or in the shower. Who knows why?!? Probably because I'm more relaxed and not trying so hard!!

I never outline. Robert Frost said, "No surprise for the writer, no surprise for the writer," so that's my excuse! But really, outlining would make it feel like a term paper to me. (See my video "Stay Open to Surprises" for more on this.)

A I love to write about big families, so not having too many can be a challenge, and I've had to delete a few characters in my writing. I think the important thing is that you don't want so many that you confuse your readers, or they might stop reading the book. My advice would be to not worry too much when you're writing your first draft, but in subsequent drafts ask yourself about each character: Do I really need her/him? Is she/he furthering the story? Less can be more, and sometimes two characters can morph into one.

As for main characters, I think it depends on the structure of the novel. I tend to write in the first person, from the point of view of one character, but I also love novels where the point of view changes. So, again, there are no rules. Just try not to confuse your readers, and ask yourself if you need all these characters

As for humor, I think it's just the way I look at the world. Even if someone says or does something awful, it really helps to look at it as material! I get some of my best minor characters that way....

Q I was wondering, I know the lipsticks in Summer Blowout are fictitious, but when you use a name brand, do you have to contact them and ask permission? I find it fascinating that so many people use name brands and we assume (you know what they say about assume) the brand would want some type of 'cut'.

A Actually, most of the lipsticks, and other products, in Summer Blowout are real -- so maybe I'm the one who should be asking for a cut!! I find it fascinating how many readers -- and journalists -- have asked me about product placement. I guess I think like a writer and not a business person, because I never took a cent! (Though I welcome all the good karma those companies want to send my way!)

For me, these products are authentic details, part of what makes a novel believable. If they don't ring true, just like if the characters and dialog aren't believable, you find yourself doubting the whole novel. So they might seem like superficial details, but I think they're really important, and I spent a lot of time shadowing some very knowledgeable stylists to make sure they were accurate.

Of course, I could certainly have made up the lipstick names in Summer Blowout without affecting the book's authenticity. Originally I planned to, because I've always thought naming paint or nailpolish colors would be a dream job, but early on I realized that people wanted real names, real beauty advice. So it felt like an extra little gift to my readers to make it real, but it still cracks me up when people tell me they got some great beauty advice from Summer Blowout. I really just wanted the characters to feel real!

A It depends. First of all, everybody's an expert, but what do they really know? To tell you the truth, when I first started writing, I probably showed too many people early drafts, and then I'd rewrite to please them, instead of listening to myself. I've gotten better at trusting myself with each book, I think.

But, then again, there's nothing like a good reader in your corner, which I think is a skill than can be unrelated to being a good writer. I'm not a great reader -- I just want to tell the writer how I'd write his or her book, which is so not the point -- it's not my book! But maybe that friend of yours who reads like crazy and is kind and generous and honest might be able to put his or her finger on what isn't working, and really help you out.

It's definitely a challenge in the beginning. Now I'm lucky enough to have a fabulous professionals who are my support team, and I can count on them for brilliant suggestions and total honesty, but in the beginning you have to cobble that together.

And making it even more complicated, sometimes sending some pages to somebody to read is a great excuse not to get any writing done -- because you're waiting to hear what they have to say first. Books don't get written if you're not actively writing -- I hate that!

So, I'd say maybe keep it to yourself while you write the first draft, and then do what Stephen King suggests in On Writing: send copies of your rmanuscript to six of your friends and family members. If they all say the same thing about something, listen. If only one says it, ignore it and move on.

stack of pages with red marks -- is it mostly line editing or a complete reworking of whole sections? And, as the writer of the original words, how do you feel about the edits?? I'm sure it's different for every author, but I'd be interested to hear about your experience.

A Revisions are all of those things -- and then some! In the first stage, I receive an editorial letter that suggests more general changes. Maybe a certain character isn't working, or there could be too many characters, or something is boring or just doesn't work. Sure, it's hard to hear things like that, but if nobody tells you the truth, then the book won't get better. So that stage feels like a puzzle, and I mull and mull and try to figure out how I can fix these things, knowing everything I change might impact the entire book. It's a lot of work, but my editor and associate editor are telling me WHAT to change and not HOW to change it, so I still have all the creative freedom in the world. They might make a specific suggestion, and if it feels like a good idea I'll use it, but often the suggestion opens the door to another idea that makes more sense to me. It can feel collaborative, but in a good way, and if you have a good editor, it's not at all suffocating.

I work really hard on this stage, so usually my second set of revisions moves on to line edits. Again, I feel free to deal with each point in my own way, and every single editorial comment helps the book, if only to tell me someone else might not understand what I was trying to do here either, so I'd better roll up my sleeves and do some more work on it.

Then there's the copyedited manuscript, which involves more fine-tuning. Then the final stage is reading the galley proofs, which is the last time changes can be made, so that's a little scary, but at the same time, it feels good to know how far the book has come

Q At what point in your writing do you come up with your book titles? Is it easy to name-then-go, or have you written a book without ever knowing what you'd title it? I've actually 'shopped' by title, so I know it's important.

A What a great question! First of all, I totally agree that titles are so important when we're "shopping" for a book. And I know some authors who can't really get going until they have a title in place -- it seems to crystalize the idea for them and allow them to move forward in their writing.

For me, the title just happens when it happens, and I'd never get a novel written if I waited around for a good title before I got started. So I dive right in to the book and brainstorm titles along the way -- sometimes hundreds of them! Many of them are awful, but lots of them could work. What it comes down to, in the end, is one question: Which title will make the most readers "shop" for your book? Titles, like covers, are essentially about marketing, and coming up with a good one is like coming up with a good advertising slogan. Some authors are good at it, and some, not so much! So, often a book that is sold with one title attached to it gets another title along the way, thanks to the smart people on the author's publishing team -- and it's a good thing! I've been lucky enough to title all of mine so far, but I'm always open to a better idea, and I'd encourage you to be, too.

Q After having dinner with some colleagues tonight and telling the story once again on how my husband and I met, I have been told, for the umpteenth time - "You have got to turn that into a screenplay - it's the stuff that movies are made of! It's like the Sleepless in Seattle kind of stuff!" My husband has started to try and write our story down, but we have no idea where to start (how to write it, how to maybe pitch it, etc). I was hoping that - given that you are a successful author and screenplay writer - you may be able to point us in the right direction.

A I’m a novelist, not a screenplay writer. Gary David Goldberg gets full credit for the Must Love Dogs movie, which he based on my second novel. You and your husband should probably take a screenplay writing workshop together, or get your hands on some books about screenplay writing. There are lots of websites out there – here’s one I just found for you that might help get you started: http://www.writersstore.com/.

Movies are all about structure, and the format is very formulaic and specific. Once you figure out how to write it, there’s even a software program called Final Draft that will help you format it. Focus on finishing and polishing a script first – you can worry about pitching it down the road.

Q I attended your seminar at the Pennsylvania Governor's Conference for Women. You were great and I really enjoyed your insights from the panel. I was wondering if you had any advice for someone who would like to write a memoir. I am a new writer but have always enjoyed writing and I feel I have a book burning in me. But, I don't even know where to begin because I haven't been an avid writer in the past. Is this a negative? Do you have any advice for a neophyte? I know this is a somewhat vague question but I wanted to keep the email short. Any insights you could provide would be most appreciated.

As for writing a memoir, first read as many memoirs as you can get your hands on. This will help give you a sense of possible structures. I have a vague theory that if you read enough, a template will form in some mysterious part of your brain. Then just dive right in and start writing. Two pages a day works for me. Join a writing group (ask around at local libraries and bookstores) or sign up for a memoir class at a local college or adult ed program.

A Well, first of all, your writing shouldn't be just like mine (!), it should be just like yours. Try to find your own unique, authentic voice. And go back over those rejection letters -- maybe some of them contain some words of wisdom about your writing that you should listen to, even if they're difficult to hear. Also, you might want to consider taking your manuscript to a class or workshop for some specific feedback.

A Your book is done when you've finished telling your story. Or do you mean, how do you know when it's ready to submit? If so, my advice is to polish, polish, and polish, then put it aside for a while, take it out and polish it again. When you get to the point that you feel you might be making things worse instead of better, get it out of your house quick!

Q I saw you on the news last night and once again felt that familiar jealous pang I feel when I see another writer has made it. I have always dreamt the big dream. I don't know about you, but I can't seem to get past those feelings of insecurity and inevitable failure. Can you tell me what made you get through that? I feel like I'm in high school and the popular girls won't ever let me into the club. Thank you.

A. Well, first of all, I never compare myself to other writers -- there's always somebody out there doing something you can't or getting something you're not. I keep my focus on just getting better as a writer. That's what it's all about for me -- the writing, not the making it.

Everybody is insecure, but it's a choice what you do from there. I've chosen to be tenacious. Whatever comes at me, I just look at as a temporary road block between point A and point B. I can't control how long it'll take me to get there, but I can keep on keepin' on until I get there.

When people comment about what a great ride I've had so far as an author, I usually say I've been lucky, because it sounds humble. I AM humble, and with every good thing that happens, I get humbler and even more grateful. But, if I'm really honest, I'd have to say it's more than luck. I WORK MY BUTT OFF. Sometimes seven days a week. I make it a point always to do more than the situation requires. I did this when I was trying to break in to the publishing biz, and I continue to do it on a daily basis. I meet every deadline. I dive back into a manuscript again and again and again - whatever it takes to make the book as good as it can be. People in the publishing world know this about me, and it's a good reputation to have earned.

Talent being equal, people would much rather work with a nice person. Period. Instead of whining about not getting what you deserve, ask what you can do to help the other person. Thank you so much for taking the time out of your busy day to consider my book goes over much better than my book is so brilliant you'd be crazy to miss out on it. Be generous with your thanks.

I think you have to write because you love it, not for fame or fortune. I meet lots of aspiring writers who are so focused on seeing their book on the shelf, they're not putting the time in on the important thing -- the writing. It has to be about the writing. And the rewriting. Not just little tweaks, but lots of hugely painful slashing and cutting and letting things go and digging deeper. And then fine-tuning some more. I'm grateful that I don't have to, but I would absolutely sit at the computer all day long and write my next novel for free. Each book teaches me so much, about the characters, about the world they live in, about myself. My goal in all this is simple: to become a better writer with each novel.

Back in the days when I still had time to read for aspiring writers (Now I can barely get my own writing done, so please don't ask!), I was amazed at how often I'd give someone some good advice, and instead of taking it, they'd just go looking for someone else to tell them what they really wanted to hear - that it was brilliant. Perfect. Well, it wasn't, and a year later I'd hear that this person had queried a whole bunch of jerky, tasteless literary agents and editors without success, and so s/he'd decided to self-publish. Criticism is tough to take, but if you can't open yourself up to it, you'll never get better. That being said, be careful whom you listen to. Is this person qualified to give you advice? Is the comment just a subjective opinion reflecting one person's taste? Are ulterior motives involved? (See negativity below.)

I'm always stunned when people aren't happy for me. But sometimes they're not, so I try my best to rise above other people's negativity. People told me you can't get published without connections. I didn't know a soul. Lots more people told me the Must Love Dogs movie would never be made. Ha-ha. Long shots happen every day. Believe in them. Believe in yourself. And if there are people in your life who aren't supportive of your dreams, dump them if you can. Or at least stop sharing your dreams with them.

Creative people are good at lots of things. But if you choose one and focus all your energy and creativity on it, you'll go from good to better. I can't tell you how many times an aspiring writer has told me about her partially completed drafts of two novels and three short stories, not to mention that screenplay, all of which she's abandoned because she just got a great idea for a children's book.

It's a buyer's market. The agent you just queried can pretty much pick anyone, as can that books editor you're hoping will review your latest. These people are BUSY, and they're probably not going to lose any sleep if you're not in their lives. How dare that agent not take you on when your book is brilliant? How dare that books editor pass on your book and review another? It happens more than it doesn't, so get ready. (See grace and courtesy above.) It's a small world, and word gets out there fast when authors don't behave well.

Support other aspiring writers. Cheer them on, and be happy for them when they get published before you do. Write letters to authors whose work you admire. Support their careers by buying their books. Do nice things for established authors who have shared what they know with you. You'd be surprised how few aspiring writers think to do this, and how it'll make you stand out in the LONG line of people asking for favors. In fact, here's what you can do for me: Tell a friend about Life's a Beach and Summer Blowout. Hell, tell all your friends. And then, write a nice review about it at bn.com. Copy and paste the same review to amazon.com. Then post it on the message boards at everywomansvoice.com. Email me and let me know you did this. Finally, tell some more friends, because word-of-mouth makes the literary world go round. When you get published, remind me. I'll do the same for you. After all, karma is a boomerang.